I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
