the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
