whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
