I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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