Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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