Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?

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(515): View more from Iowa

The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.

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(512): View more from Texas

the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

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(360): View more from Washington

Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

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(863): View more from Florida

I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.

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