i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.