Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.

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  (313): We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure. http://tfl.nu/sjew
  Replies (0) Good night (1151) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.

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  (520): i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off. http://tfl.nu/yt3u
  Replies (10) Good night (2857) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"

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  (330): you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now" http://tfl.nu/lsq6
  Replies (30) Good night (2074) Bad night (4769)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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  (920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5
  Replies (26) Good night (1731) Bad night (7284)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.

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  (704): The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe. http://tfl.nu/8oi8
  Replies (9) Good night (1101) Bad night (4568)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
  Replies (35) Good night (1887) Bad night (5136)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

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  (717): Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think. http://tfl.nu/f6ax
  Replies (26) Good night (5474) Bad night (1632)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple

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  (401): After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple http://tfl.nu/1d3q
  Replies (11) Good night (4293) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups

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  (412): All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups http://tfl.nu/m0gn
  Replies (2) Good night (2765) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?

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  (410): I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth? http://tfl.nu/108c
  Replies (7) Good night (1398) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.

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  (919): Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out. http://tfl.nu/vb1r
  Replies (3) Good night (1251) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"

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  (604): Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!" http://tfl.nu/of5t
  Replies (1) Good night (1095) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.

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  (970): Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon. http://tfl.nu/bx6h
  Replies (5) Good night (1864) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?

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  (661): Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45? http://tfl.nu/7eh6
  Replies (4) Good night (484) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.

  (310): View more from California

  When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.

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  (805): I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food. (310): When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis. http://tfl.nu/o33e
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (167)

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