Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave