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I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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