Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban