He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.