i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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