i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.