Its about making memories worth repressing
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
