That's intense
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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