either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Non-Jews are for practice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
