Define "chronic" masturbator.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
