so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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