Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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