Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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