Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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