I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
