It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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