just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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