That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
