Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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