Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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