So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
