Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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