Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
