Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
