Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His hands were made for my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
