u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
