Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
