put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
