i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
