I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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