I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
