he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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