Fuck appropriateness.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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