he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
