wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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