how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
