Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Send help, water and tortillas.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
