I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
