it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
