Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
