She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
