eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize