the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
