just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
