i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
