i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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