this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
