there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
