My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
