How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
