yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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