Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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