3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
