I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
