The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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