Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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