Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
