In America we eat man semen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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