Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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