Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
