After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
