Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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