just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
