bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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