The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
