i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
