Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
