i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
