take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
