she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize