You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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