Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
