Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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