he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize